The first speaker, a lady from Berkshire stood and said, “During last year’s conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb.”

(The crowd cheered).

The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, “After last year’s conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, but mine as well.”

(The crowd again cheered).

The third speaker, a Geordie lass, stood up and said, “Afta last year’s conference, I went herm and telt that lazy ba*tard of mine, Geordie, that I was nae longa pickin up his beer cans, cookin his bait and washin his kecks and that he was gonna haf to de them hisell.”

(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping
that lasted for five long minutes).

She continued……………… “Afta the first day, I nevah saw nowt. Afta the second day, I nevah saw nowt, but afta the thord day, I could see a little bit out me left eye.”

Comments(0)

AEROPLANE BLONDE: One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a “black box”

AUSSIE KISS: Similar to a French kiss, but given down under

BEAVER LEAVER: A homosexual

BRITNEY SPEARS: Modern slang for “beers”, e.g. “Couple of Britneys please, Doreen”.

BRUCE LEE: Erect nipple (as in, hard Nip).

DOUBLE BASS: A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, then fiddles with the womans nipples with one hand, and her budgies tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a womans face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

F@CKSH1TF@CKSH1TF@CKSH1T
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GOING FOR A MCSH1T
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you’re
just going to the bog. IF challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you’ll buy there food afterwards is a McSh1t with
lies.

GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in
a burger restaurant. The “no-stars” comes from the badges displaying stars
that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of
training.

MILLENIUM DOMES
The contents of a wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the
outside, but there’s actually f@ck all worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go “Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!
Aa!”.

MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight jeans or shorts etc. i.e. you can see the “lips”
moving, but can’t quite make out what they’re saying.

MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet
after our 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub
is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up,
whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed
instead.

NBR (No Beers Required)
Someone that you’d chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a
10-pinter.

NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming sland for Stella (the lager)

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.

PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - “It’s a bit Pearl Harbour out
there!” Meaning - there’s a nasty nip in the air.

PICASSO @RSE
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she has 4
buttocks.

SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SPERM WAIL
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

STARFISH TROOPER OR @RSETRONAUT
A homosexual.

SWAMP DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

TEN-Pinter
Someone that you’d only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.

TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.

TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE-BAGGER
Someone that you’d need two paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their
head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).

UP ON BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage e.g. “Don’t
think I’ll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks”.

WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming slang for vomit.

W@NK SEANCE
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives
are watching you with disgust.

WYNONA RYDER
Rhyming sland for cider. e.g. “Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of
tart fuel please Doreen”.

X-PILES
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Comments(3)