Some time back I read an article detailing the top 10 passion wagons. I was surprised to see that, being something of a fanny rat, I’d managed to experience the joys and discomfort of sexual union in several of the vehicles listed, these being the VW camper van, Ford Escort and VW Golf. Of these the VW camper van, with its spacious interior and post-coital tea making facilities was definitely the best. Recently my boss has taken up a van lease on a brand new Mercedes Sprinter and what a shag-wagon!

The first opportunity I had to excercise Mr Sausage in the Mercedes Sprinter Van was when I happened to run into an old fuck-buddy whilst delivering towels across the other side of town. The subject of my desires, something of a munter, was absolutely gagging for a taste of my goo gun. We soon found ourselves making full use of my cargo of towels and the capacious Mercedes van whilst listening to Steve Wright in the afternoon on Radio 2.

The second and most recent occasion was with a grave sniffer whose husband sadly neglects her womanly needs. Not surprising really as she is a particularly hirsute salad dodger with a bigger moustache than Magnum P.I. and a fanny like a gorillas armpit. I was delivering a selection of soft furnishings that made an ideal platform for our afternoon of kipper basting. We were soon engaged in a little energetic parallel parking, making full use of the space and the cushions in the back of the van. She was left spread-eagled on the pile of soft furnishings with a salty dressing on her pink salad. A very satisfactory conclusion to our after-lunch exertions.

My assessment of the Mercedes Sprinter Van is that, with the addition of a little padding in the rear, it makes a great fuck truck!